Today, I had to go and get my monthly blood draw which always fills me with anxiety. As soon as my number was called I saw my favorite phlebotomist and she instantly put me at ease. My veins are small and they like to roll so it normally takes a few lovely jabs to catch one and she always makes me feel so much better. “When do you move to France”, she asked and when I told her she also said she was moving to a different hospital. It felt like leaving a friend as I said goodbye and thanked her for always making me feel so much better while going through Leukemia.
As soon as my Lyft arrived, the driver asked how my day was and instantly I said: “well now that my blood letting is done, great”. The driver Brian asked why I needed to have blood drawn and when I explained it to him he was very kind and within a few miles, we began talking about losing important people in our lives and how we deal with grief and also packing up your life.
He had served in Iraq and both loss and packing have played a huge part in his life. We lose people that were everything to us and you can’t imagine a day without them, so then we surround ourselves with the physical things that remind us of them. Those things that “spark joy” actually spark sadness until you can get past the grief. Mourning my grandma and purging my life has been overwhelming and liberating. She isn’t in all those dishes and the many keepsakes she left for me, she is in my heart and with me every single step I take.
I had almost wished the drive was longer as it was one of the most enlightening and understanding conversations I have had in months. As I thanked him and got out of the car I looked down and in the pocket of the door and saw three whole sand dollars.
Growing up and spending weekends at the family beach house with my grandparents I would spend hours walking down the beach collecting shells. Many of them were sand dollars and as soon as I saw them I knew it was a little wink from my grandparents.
Life takes us down strange roads, but somehow we have moments that put us exactly we are supposed to be. I can’t wait for my next chapter and know my grandparents are with me at every moment.
